Finding the Humor in Cataract Surgery

Sometimes it’s the mismatch between expectations and reality that makes things funny. Other times it’s the total lack of skills as I learn something new that makes me laugh. My cataract surgery on my left eye this week gave me multiple opportunities to chuckle. By the time I have my right eye done in two weeks, none of this will even be funny…I’ll just accept it as part of having cataract surgery!

Before surgery I was experiencing difficulty seeing clearly, especially at night. Halos around headlights were getting brighter. Christmas lights on every house and bush made driving at night painful. Even daytime driving and shopping was frustrating while it felt like someone had smeared Vaseline on my glasses. Double vision was something I tried to get used to. It was time for cataract surgery.

Everyone who has had cataract surgery had an experience to share so I wasn’t too worried about the procedure…but you know sometimes folks forget to share the details!

Like any upcoming surgery, I took time to read all the instructions given to me. I’ve had my share of surgeries, so I noted how to prepare the day before…no food or drink after midnight, no meds the morning of surgery and begin administering the special drops.

Hard to believe this tiny bottle holds enough drops!

Day Before Surgery

So, the day before surgery, reality appeared…I had never successfully put in eye drops! The few times it has been necessary in my 76 years, Bert has put them in for me. Sounds impossible, I know. Getting me to not blink when the drop headed my way was funny. Bert kept saying, you can see the drop coming (no I couldn’t…remember my double vision…I saw more than one bottle and couldn’t possibly focus enough to see the drops coming.)

Four times the day before surgery, Bert patiently put drops in my eye. Right after surgery my eye was swollen so Bert continued to put the drops in. By the day after surgery, I decided I needed to master this skill…it was embarrassing to not be able to do it myself. I had Bert watch while I lined up the bottle over my eye. Then he moved my hand until it was in the correct location. That was funny how I thought I was lined up and I was so far off. Finally, by the end of the next day (8 drops later) I could finally hit my eye correctly. Whew!

Good thing I figured out the drops because the day after surgery I was given a chart to show that over the next 4 weeks I would gradually reduce the drops from 4 drops/day the first week to 1 drop/day on the last week. That meant in two weeks when I have my right eye done, I will be tracking 2 drops/day in my left eye and 4 drops/day in my right eye. Yikes! That does make me laugh! I should be pretty good by the time I’m done!

Day of Surgery

The instructions for surgery day said I was to wear loose fitting clothing… preferably a button-up shirt so heart sensors could be easily applied. No mention was made about a bra under the shirt, so I figured I’d be comfortable and wore a camisole that tucked into my slacks. Great idea…NOT! They forgot to mention that one of the heart sensors would be placed about waist-level almost on my back. That meant that while lying flat on my back with my right hand hindered with an IV, I had to reach around and untuck my camisole. Crazy! That just made me chuckle. Next time I’ll skip the camisole! (TMI I know!)

When I checked in for surgery, I was handed a paper surgical mask. I assumed I would wear it throughout surgery. Just a note: I really don’t like wearing a mask. However, it was surgery so I guess necessary. I had that mask on for almost an hour while the nurses did their prep. When it was time to go to surgery, they took the mask off me and put the oxygen tubes in my nose. Off I went to surgery. Granted, the Doctor did lay a rubber shield around my eye and over my nose, but it felt strange to have them remove the mask as I headed to surgery.

After Surgery

When I got home from surgery, I took a selfie. The eye shield was an odd shape but you can see how it was applied.

The next day when we replaced the tape on the shield it ended up like this:

We couldn’t decide how it was supposed to go, but when we compared it to the first picture, we ended up turning it around. Nothing was mentioned about the right way to put it on so after that I ended up putting it the original way. It was a little more comfortable to sleep. Of course, when I put the tape on, I obviously got it too long…right up my nose! Made me laugh!

The Day After Surgery

The day after surgery I had an appointment to see the surgeon. Everything looked good. My vision started at 20/80 and by day two it was 20/40. It should get better each day as the swelling goes down. Thanks to a suggestion from the nurse, I was able to stop at the glasses desk and have them remove the left lens from my glasses. My brain was struggling with the conflict between my two eyes.

One final chuckle after this experience…all of a sudden, I needed my bigger purse! I had just started using a smaller bag and I could immediately see a problem.

I now had to haul around a bunch of extra things, like paperwork, glasses case and the sunglasses I’m to wear on really sunny days.

My cataract surgery on my left eye is considered a success. No one really needs to know all the details that made me chuckle this week, but I thought you might like to know why I’m not sewing or cooking much for the next few weeks. That detail work might need to wait until I figure out what I’ll need for correction for close work. But…I should eventually be able to drive without double vision! Yea!

Please comment or email me directly at marykisner@comcast.net.